How Children’s Writers Can Eliminate Passive Writing
According to Strunk and White’s classic The Elements of Style, “The habitual use of the active voice … makes for forcible writing.” In its most basic sense, the active voice involves the subject of the sentence being the doer of the action, whereas in the passive voice the subject is being acted upon. Editors often take it a step further, admonishing authors to eliminate passive writing from their work. When revising and editing your work, always remember that editors look for tight sentences, concrete details and vivid action.
The difference between active and passive always starts with the verb. Look at these two sentences:
The trunk was opened by Adam.
Adam opened the trunk.
The second sentence is stronger and more direct because we can see Adam carrying out the action. Flipping the sentence around also makes Adam the subject. If the reader is following Adam’s point of view through the story, he should be the focus of the sentence. That same principle applies to developing great children’s book characters: the clearer the character’s action, the easier it is for the reader to connect.
Though the second sentence is now in the active voice, it’s not as powerful as it could be. Adjusting the verb can add further meaning to the text. Adam pried open the trunk — it’s old and the rusty hinges stuck. Adam unlocked the trunk — he used a key. Adam busted open the trunk — he used a hammer. Adam sawed apart the trunk — the trunk is now in several pieces. Each sentence gives the reader a different visual image, and teaches us something about Adam. This is also where show, don’t tell becomes so important: readers understand character best through clear action, not explanation.
Don’t distance the reader from the verb. She would go to music lessons after school can be rewritten as She went to music lessons after school. “Began to” almost always makes a sentence fall flat: It began to rain as she walked home, making the homework wet. Instead, eliminate “began to” and highlight the important aspect of the sentence: As she walked home, drizzle dampened her homework.
Use positive, straightforward sentences whenever possible. Strunk and White say, “The reader is dissatisfied with being told only what is not; he wishes to be told what is.” Look at the following examples; the second sentence in each pair eliminates the negative.
It was no longer raining. / The rain had stopped.
Amy did not pay any attention to her teacher when he gave instructions for the homework. / Amy ignored her teacher’s homework instructions.
Sam did not like walking home by himself. / Sam hated walking home alone.
Don’t overqualify statements. Words like almost, always, some, very, many, somewhat, slightly, rather, quite or perhaps make the text sound as if you’re circling around the story, rather than getting directly to it. These terms signify uncertainty. If you’re striving for an uncertain tone to your narrative, then use words sparingly. In most cases, though, the reader wants the author to write with confidence.
Eliminating passive writing takes practice, but it’s worth it. Once all those extra words and murky verbs drop away from your next draft, your story will take center stage.
Related Guides for Stronger Children’s Writing
- Show, Don’t Tell: A Key Skill for Writing Children’s Books
- How to Create & Develop Great Children’s Book Characters
- Choose the Correct Point of View for Your Children’s Book
- Build a Story, Chapter by Chapter
- How to Write a Children’s Book: A Beginner’s Guide
